


Amoretta

by RoeOcean



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Cybersex, Dirty Talk, F/M, M/M, Technological Kink, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-01
Updated: 2015-07-01
Packaged: 2018-04-07 04:42:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4249701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoeOcean/pseuds/RoeOcean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for Drone Season 2k15!!!</p><p>Sollux and Dirk get a little hot and bothered as they watch Jade build a soulbot. Though they're not all in the same place, or even in the same universe, they all enjoy a quick cybering session.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MadameHardy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadameHardy/gifts).



> Skip to chapter 3 if you want all of the sex and none of the exposition that led to them cybering it up.

[at 13:33 PM, twinarmageddons [TA] began trolling  gardengnostic [GG] ]

TA: hey. you're kk'2 kiid, the goofy giirl wiith the penchant for fiiriing riifle2 and 2uper technologiically advanced hiive, riight?

GG: kks kid? what does that mean? :P  
GG: and hi, i dont think weve ever spoken before!  
GG: how about you introduce yourself before you start creepily naming more things about my life!!

TA: wow 2orry ii diidn't mean two iinsiinuate that ii'd taken an iintere2t iin 2talkiing your every move.  
TA: that'2 more ed'2 2peciialty anyway.  
TA: ii ju2t want two know iif you can do 2omethiing for me. 2omethiing that 2hould be iincrediibly 2iimple for you two do, iif kk'2 bliitheriing ha2 any credence.

GG: you seem like a very rude person! :(  
GG: i should get going, i have to meet up with my friend to collect some frogs  
GG: so if youll excuse me!!!

TA: waiit waiit don't leave.  
TA: ii'm 2orry. ii can be... fru2tratiing two talk two at tiime2, ii know, but ii need your help.  
TA: plea2e lii2ten to my reque2t.

GG: ...okay  
GG: because im NICE i will  
GG: but first, whats your name?? im jade!! :) so dont call me the bucktooth wonder or the trigger-happy barkbeast-wannabe :P

TA: oh man are tho2e name2 kk ha2 2lapped you wiith?  
TA: ii 2uddenly under2tand everythiing.

GG: :O huh???

TA: nevermiind your pretty liittle thiinkpan.  
TA: ii'm 2ollux.

GG: do i pronounce the number at the beginning of your name? twollux?  
GG: thats a nice name!! :)  
GG: reminds me of tulips!!! :D  
GG: does your planet have tulips?

TA: oh my fuckiing chrii2t. iit'2 an "S". ii'm Sollux.  
TA: the two ii2 part of my typiing quiirk. whiich you've been readiing all along.  
TA: wiithout beiing an iidiiot about iit.

GG: ugh you are so rude!!! >:(  
GG: i was trying to be conscientious of potential cultural differences!!!  
GG: you didnt have to be such an ass about it!!! especially since you want something from me!!!  
GG: now im really leaving!!!  
GG: good day you troll!!

TA: fuck.  
TA: ii thiink you're overreactiing a touch there gg.  
TA: now ii really under2tand why kk piicked you.  
TA: hello? ii know you're 2tiill there.

GG: what do you mean by that?

TA: by what.

GG: you know what!!! :P :P

TA: we're gettiing off track. ii 2tiill need your help.  
TA: maybe we can work 2omethiing out.

GG: i see what youre saying  
GG: fine  
GG: what do you want from me

TA: a robot.  
TA: not ju2t any robot, though.  
TA: a robot that can contaiin a 2oul, so that iit may carry on a previiou2ly-liiviing per2on'2 role.  
TA: ii know iit can be done. a friiend of miine u2ed to iinhabiit one.

GG: ...  
GG: what happened to your friends soulbot?

TA: 2he exploded.

GG: oh my god im so sorry!!! :(  
GG: that must have been really sad for all of you guys

TA: yeah. yeah iit wa2.  
TA: 2o can you do iit.  
TA: ii know you had a robot at one poiint.  
TA: eq wa2 2weatiing over iit.  
TA: and your hiive entered the mediium wiith you.  
TA: 2o you 2hould have all the part2 you requiire two buiild iit.  
TA: iif you need more ii could 2end 2ome grii2t.

GG: whoa whoa whoa!!!  
GG: hold your horses!!!

TA: all riight they're beiing held.  
TA: but they're very ant2y.  
TA: they're rariing two go.

GG: i have a few questions  
GG: the first one is  
GG: why do you want a soulbot?? :O

TA: becau2e ii'm goiing two diie.

GG: what!!!!????

TA: you 2houldn't bee two concerned about the rea2on.  
TA: you don't even know me.  
TA: ii've 2pent a lot of tiime thiinkiing about my iimpendiing doom.  
TA: our collectiive doom, actually.  
TA: and ye2 ii've told other people about iit.  
TA: they were...2omewhat 2upportiive of my vii2iion2.  
TA: ba2ed on 2ome new iinformatiion  
TA: ii kiind of want two 2tiick around for a biit longer than ii'm 2upposed two.  
TA: ii'd liike two contiinue 2upportiing my friiend2. they're goiing two need me.  
TA: whether the game wiill allow me two do 2o, ii'm not 2ure.  
TA: but iit'2 worth a 2hot iin the dark.

GG: :O :O :O  
GG: wow  
GG: thats so  
GG: brazenly risky  
GG: but also kind of cool

TA: thank2.  
TA: ii gue22.

GG: okay ill try to help you!! :D  
GG: even though you still come off as a sarcastic jerk

TA: 2arca2m mode get2 me all the ladiie2.

GG: pffftt yeah i bet

TA: ii can tell you're falliing for me riight now.

GG: oh mr 2ollux oohh!!

TA: 2ee, u2iing my quiirk ii2n't that hard.  
TA: 2o you probably need my mea2urement2 riight.  
TA: two make the 2oulbot two 2cale.  
TA: ii would liike iit two look more or le22 exactly liike my aliive troll 2elf,  
TA: 2o ii'll al2o 2end along a 3D model.

GG: okay!!!  
GG: theres just a teensy weensy problem with your plan

TA: oh great.  
TA: what ii2 iit now.

GG: i didnt actually build my robot  
GG: my grandpa did!!!  
GG: and hes not really around anymore................

TA: well fuck me.  
TA: ii gue22 ii'll have two biite my tongue and a2k eq after all.

GG: why didnt you go to him first??  
GG: it is sorta weird that you'd make a beeline for a human girl you barely know  
GG: rather than one of your troll friends!!!

TA: ehehehe, beeliine. ii appreciiate your u2e of that word.

GG: ???  
GG: :/

TA: becau2e he'2 a fuckiing creep.  
TA: let'2 ju2t leave iit at that.  
TA: ii do not want two elaborate.

GG: yikes  
GG: hm  
GG: wait!!! i remember that my grandpa used a schematic to build her  
GG: my dreambot i mean  
GG: he ordered a set of plans from someone!!!!  
GG: maybe i can find them and call whoever made them!!!

TA: okay. good luck.  
TA: get onliine a2 2oon a2 you fiind anythiing.  
TA: ii'm... countiing on you.

GG: will do!!!! and thanks!!! :D  
GG: you know  
GG: i think you charm the ladies a lot more  
GG: when youre being sincere :)

[ twinarmageddons [TA] ceased trolling  gardengnostic [GG] ]

TA: ...  
TA: 2he totally diig2 me.


	2. Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jade speaks to Dirk about designing a soulbot for Sollux. 
> 
> Also, the gnostic gets a li'l bit nostalgic for her younger years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: if you've forgotten, Jake and Jade have actually communicated trans-universally. Jake was able to send Jade a letter for John's birthday present, which John read later. I'm taking some liberties here and have assumed that the two have talked a bit about their lives with each other. At this point, the alphas have not entered SBURB. Also, hand-waving game mechanics allow Jade to contact Dirk without having to jump through a bunch of hoops to get it to work.

After closing her computer, Jade messaged Dave to tell him that she'd meet up with him to catch frogs later. He didn't respond. 

'He must be hard at work collecting grist,' Jade thought. 'I should visit his planet soon!!'

She hopped off of the snow-dusted log that she had been sitting on when the new troll, Sollux, had contacted her. She really did want to help him in any way possible, even if locating the schematics her grandfather had used so long ago was going to be like searching for a needle in a haystack! 

Jade began to make her way through the snow, following her tracks back to the large house that blended in with the frosty aesthetic of her planet. She really liked it here, and she definitely had to explore more of it later. She had just barely arrived! Who knew how many puzzles she could solve and friendships she could make with the little blue reptiles populating her world?

But the mission from Sollux took precedence in her mind now. He hadn't exactly specified the level of urgency, but she didn't want to dally. They also hadn't ironed out a deal for what Jade would get in return for building him his soulbot, but she thought that he would at least tease her some more about Karkat's feelings for her. That's what the Gemini had implied, anyway. Jade didn't know how to feel about that-- about Karkat's suggested red leanings. It was something she had started to suspect ever since he had blurted some Freudian slips, but she had been kind enough to resist pressing the issue. 

Maybe she wouldn't ask for more details from Sollux (who seemed to know Karkat pretty well from the way he talked about him); instead, in exchange for his soulbot, she could ask him for more chats. One pesterlog for every hour she worked on this mission. That seemed fair, didn't it? And she wanted to get to know him better. It intrigued her that he'd never reached out to her before, when almost all of the other trolls had, on one occasion or another. The only other guy she had never attempted to speak to, and who had never sought to talk to her, was the curiously mysterious "terminallyCapricious". Perhaps, after she became friendlier with Sollux, she could complete her set of twelve alien chums by befriending TC. 

Jade trudged up the winding pathway to her front door. Walking through heavy snowdrifts was tiring, but she couldn't give in and take a nap! She just had to find those schematics!

Finally, she arrived at the front door and threw it open. A warm blast of air greeted her, and she gratefully squeezed inside, shutting the door with a loud bang. Jade took off the red squiddle jacket, popping it back in her sylladex, and began her search. 

She started in her grandfather's workshop, a large den crowded with many of his unfinished projects: half-taxidermied heads, reels of old-timey film strips, rusted guns badly in need of a polish, and tons of other eclectic junk. She didn't come in here that often; not because of any cringing guilt that she was disturbing a sacred space, but more so because it was so damn cluttered it was hard to move around in. It was also just not a room she needed to use! There were so many rooms in her house, and it seemed like more kept adding on to the enormity of her living space just to be filled with knick-knacks and paddy-wacks from a bygone era that her grandfather had inhabited. Honestly, why, and how, had he accumulated so much stuff? 

Jade spent nearly an hour flinging things about, casting her eyes and hands everywhere for a hint of blue graph paper. The problem with this strategy was that her grandfather had liked blue so much that he bought and decorated just about everything in that color.

She gave up and moved on to other rooms that mostly housed her grandfather's collection. Over the next few hours she roamed upstairs and downstairs, checking the various nooks and crannies stuffed with stuff, bursting at the seams with personal effects. She didn't remember where, when, or how her grandfather had managed to get his hands on some of these bizarre objects, and she'd rather not know. Digging up a lot of the paraphernalia wasn't painful, per se... but it slogging through it all did stir her happy memories of their time together. It made her nostalgic, and after a while she forgot that she was supposed to be looking for something to help Sollux. She began looking for things that helped her.

In her grandfather's bedroom closet, she found an old hat box labelled "Jade - 5". Delighted and more than slightly curious, she picked it up carefully and carried it over to the bed, settling it down on the dusty covers. She flopped on the bed herself, and cautiously lifted the lid. A high-pitched squeal escaped from her lips when she saw that the box was chockfull of pages of her old drawings. They all appeared to be from when she was five years old. She giggled as she sifted through all of the silly doodles and scribbles. She was a much better artist now, but it was very fun to see what she had once considered the peak of her skills. She was also happy-and grateful- that her grandfather had saved all of these. She could feel a wistful swell in her chest bring joyful tears to the corners of her eyes.

At the bottom of the box, there was a faded blue cloth, folded neatly into a triangle. Jade paused. It didn't seem like something she would've drawn on. She liked the texture of thick paper (and sometimes drywall), not floppy fabric. She reached inside, touching the cool textile. There was a faint scrawl on the front of it, but she couldn't make it out. She grabbed the cloth and shook it out onto the bedspread. Lo and behold, a heavy square of blue grid paper fell out and floated gently to the floor. Jade took a quick intake of breath. Maybe...!

She leapt off the bed, landing on all fours on the carpet with a thump. Jade crept towards the paper, her heartbeat growing louder in her ears with every movement forward. She swallowed, and picked at a corner, peeking at the lines underneath. What she saw caused a happy laugh to bubble out of her throat, and she unfolded the rest of the square, clapping her hands together and smiling hugely. 

It was the schematic for her dreambot! She should've anticipated that her grandfather would've placed this very important paper with other very important papers related to her fifth year of life! Good thing he wasn't more organized, otherwise she'd have torn her hair out going through filing cabinets instead of randomly stumbling upon her prize. What luck!

At the bottom of the last page of the gridpaper, she found a tiny, cursive signature. 

"timaeusTestified," she whispered. "Isn't he one of Jake's friends?

Jake did exist in a parallel universe, but it was worth a shot to try to contact his friend. After all, if she was able to speak to Jake, she should be able to speak to his buddy! She took one of her many computers out of her sylladex and logged onto pesterchum. After a bit of wandering around, she was able to find TT.

[at 18:23 PM, gardengnostic [GG] began pestering  timaeustestified [TT] ]

GG: hello!!!! i am jade harley :D  
GG: we have a mutual friend!!!! perhaps you know a certain................ jake english??? :D :)  
GG: i was wondering if you could help me with something?  


TT: Hello, Miss Harley.  
TT: Yes, I am quite familiar with the person Jake English.  
TT: I am also cognizant of your existence. Jake has discussed you with me several times.  
TT: I hope it's not too forward of me to say that I'd been hoping you'd contact me sooner or later.  


GG: :O oh gosh!!!!  
GG: well how about that!!!!! :D :D  


TT: What may I have the pleasure of helping you with?  


GG: a few years ago did you send a dreambot schematic to my grandfather??  


TT: ...  
TT: I do not believe such an event has occurred.  


GG: aw really?? :( :(  
GG: but it must have been you!!! the blueprints have your signature and everything!!!!  


TT: Really?  
TT: Could you send me the prints?  


GG: sure hang on a mo  
GG: dreambot.tinypic.png  


TT: Hm.  
TT: This does look like a particularly complex design that I have been working on.  
TT: I hadn't figured out how to piece together some elements before... but this data looks correct.  
TT: I must have completed the project and sent it to Jake as planned.  
TT: Perhaps this is a time loop that has just stabalized.  
TT: Thank you. Now I can expedite the task.  


GG: youre welcome  
GG: so youre saying youre going to build a dreambot for jake?  


TT: No, he just asked if I could draw up some viable schematics for one.  
TT: He said he was going to send them to an old friend.  


GG: oh my gosh!!!! he sent them to my grandpa!!!!  


TT: Did he?  


GG: yeah he totally did!!!!  
GG: and then my grandpa put together the dreambot  
GG: for ME :D  


TT: Yes, I can definitely see the likeness.  
TT: I was going to make the "dreambot" more masculine,  
TT: But there is a certain appeal to the metallic feminine form.

GG: wait...........  
GG: did you just say...........  
GG: that you can "see the likeness"???  
GG: how do you know what i look like??? :O

TT: Oh.  
TT: Well, I.  
TT: I have a view-window trained on you right now.

GG: what???!!!!

TT: I don't want to lie to you, Jade.  
TT: But SBURB affords certain technologies to those who wish to use them.  
TT: Once you began messaging me, SBURB allowed me to view you if I wanted to.  
TT: I can close the window if you prefer.

GG: no thats okay you can keep it open  
GG: im just a bit shocked is all  
GG: why cant i see you???  
GG: theres no option for that on my browser!!!! >:(

TT: I believe only those outside your session can utilize the function effectively.

GG: omg 2ollux could see me too

TT: Excuse me?

GG: sollux is the reason i talked to you in the first place!!!!!  
GG: he wants a soulbot so that he can live after he dies  
GG: but my grandpa built my dreambot not me  
GG: so i looked all over my house for hours for the schematic i remember him using to build her  
GG: long story short i found you  
GG: and i wanted to know if you could design a soulbot  
GG: because i dont really know all that much about robotics  
GG: my knowledge in thermonuclear physics and a whole bunch of other sciencey stuff that i love to do and am really very good at  
GG: hasnt come up much yet in this game :/  
GG: i hope it will  
GG: so that i can be useful in some capacity  
GG: but for now maybe you can help me by teaching me how to build a soulbot???

TT: Of course I'll help you.

GG: thank you!!!!! :D :D  
GG: and since you can see me then youll be able to help me even more than i thought possible previously!!!!!

TT: I'll need a few hours to reconfigure my dreambot design into one that will be able to sustain a living soul.  
TT: See you again soon.

GG: thank you so so much!!!!! :) :) :)  
GG: oh wait!!!! i never got your name!!!

TT: It's Dirk.  
TT: Dirk Strider.

GG: :O

TT: ?

GG: its nothing :)  
GG: thank you dirk!!!!!!  
GG: <3

[at 18:53 PM, gardengnostic [GG] ceased pestering  timaeustestified [TT] ]

TT: I think she likes me.


	3. Part Three: The Chapter You've All Been Waiting For

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let the cybering begin!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sollux is 13, Jade is 13, and Dirk is... 13?? Yeah I suppose he HAS to be 13, for the sake of totally parallel universe mechanics and all that.

A few minutes later, Dirk messaged Jade back about the soulbot design. She commented about how quick he worked, but he brushed it off with some jabber about the temporal wormhole instability between their universes. In reality it had taken him at least a week to figure the shit out, but it had gotten done thanks to the dreambot blueprints she had graciously given him. 

She made a multi-chum message board, "Soulbot.exe", and invited Dirk to join her there. He complied easily. Jade then pestered Sollux and he responded quickly to her invitation.

[at 19:00 PM, gardengnostic [GG] began pestering  timaeustestified [TT] and  twinarmageddons [TA]]

GG: hey you two!!!!! :D :)  
GG: sollux this is dirk  
GG: dirk say hi to sollux  
GG: and im jade!!!!!!

TA: hii.

TT: 'Sup.

TA: you a human?

TT: Yeah. Is that gonna be a problem?

TA: nope. ii liike human2 ju2t fiine.

GG: we all love each other very much okay  
GG: so play nice!!!!!! :P  
GG: sollux dirk is the dude who designed your soulbot  
GG: and hes here to help me put it together!!!!! :D :D

TA: why diidn't he buiild iit hiim2elf  
TA: and 2end iit two you.

TT: At the moment we have no avenue to exchange three-dimensional objects.  
TT: We figured the next best thing is to go by a blueprint and a hands-on running tutorial commentary,  
TT: Provided by yours truly.

TA: ...  
TA: ii appreciiate you 2tiickiing around to guiide gg.

GG: yeah thank you dirk  
GG: youre the best!!!!! :D <3 

TA: !

GG: what?  
GG: was it something i said??

TA: no.  
TA: no, iit'2 nothiing.

TT: Don't worry about it man.  
TT: That's just the way she is.  
TT: You're enthusiastic about everything, right, Jade?

GG: lol sure!!!!! i guess!!!!

TT: See? She didn't mean anything by it.  
TT: She's just showing her gratitude.

TA: iif you 2ay 2o.

GG: ???  
GG: okay you can both see me right

TA: ye2.

TT: You're front and center.  
TT: You have the floor.

GG: okay  
GG: im gonna begin  
GG: it looks pretty straightforward but tell me if im doing something wrong

TT: Sure thing.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Jade gathered all of the robotic parts necessary for the job. Dirk had included captcha codes in his notes, so she was able to make all the components right there at her grossly over-upgraded alchemitizer. 

She used a hands-free headset that Sollux had sent her to digitize her spoken words and turn them into text for the message board, so that she could talk and work at the same time without having to type. The Gemini had the same headset, but Dirk did not, so the only drawback to this solution was that she still had to read his responses. Sollux advised her that she could have a computer-generated voice speak Dirk's text, but she thought that might be too creepy. Dirk didn't agree and encouraged her to pick a voice, but she staunchly refused. The two boys accepted her stubbornness with rolls of their eyes.

Jade placed all the parts on a bench. She began with the head, where all of the most important circuitry would be protected by an extra-thick titanium skull. Dirk and Sollux kept her on track and boosted her spirits when she made a mistake or got stuck on a particularly difficult connection. After an hour or so, she finished. 

She wiped the sweat from her forehead and went over in detail with Dirk about how everything should look. He thought that most of it seemed fine, but that they couldn't test it until the entire body was hooked up. 

Jade nodded. She picked up the skull and fit it inside the head cavity, and closed the cranial flap. The lights in the eyes weren't turned on, and the metal was cool and smooth beneath her fingertips, besides a few tiny, bumpy caps for screws that held the face together. She studied the cold face. 

"Sollux, does this thing really look like you?" Jade asked in a quiet voice. 

"Yeah," his tinny voice said faintly in her ear. "A little bit. You looked at my photo, right? I'm prettier in person." 

She giggled. "I bet you are!"

Jade could hear his laughter too; a short, harsh wheeze that sounded as if he was blowing air quickly out of his nose.

She continued, "But I think this robot is plenty cute!"

Silence from his end. And no new messages from Dirk, either. 

"Hello? Are we still connected?" 

There was a faint sigh. Then, "Yeah, I'm here." 

TT: Me too. Let's begin on the spinal cord.

"Okay," Jade said, placing the head down on the work bench and ruffling its wiry, dark grey hair. It shone in the light, sparkling. She could imagine electricity hiding in the roots, waiting to zap her. 

Without thinking, or perhaps deliberately without thinking, she placed a brief, chaste kiss where the robot's nose should be. Then she turned to the long titanium spine that she had to weld to the back of the torso and attach to the head. 

Nobody commented on her split-second kiss, and soon they were all three of them engrossed in piecing together the rest of the soulbot. It was slow, arduous work, but Jade kept at it. Dirk routinely kept apace of her decisions, following the blueprint along with her and clarifying points. Sollux mostly watched and waited, contributing sometimes with snide remarks and at other times asking if he could send her a quick code or two that she could input into the computer chip embedded in some important circuitry. 

They worked together for hours, almost until Jade was ready to drop. She was about to call it a night when she absently flipped a page and was greeted with a huge schematic of the soulbot's crotch. Inside of it, there appeared to be extensive plans for something called a "pelvic magnetron". 

"What the hell is this?" Jade demanded, suddenly feeling wide awake and unusually warm. 

TT: Oh.  
TT: Right.

Sollux burst out laughing. "Oh my fucking god, no way. You thouldn't have."

TT: I can explain.

"I don't really need an explanation, thanks!" Jade covered her face with one of her hands, peeking through the slits to surreptitiously observe the drawing. It was incredibly detailed, and seemed to have no obvious function besides two underlined words in a neat hand: GM pool. 

"GM pool?" Jade said aloud, quirking a brow. "What does that even mean?" 

TT: Genetic material pool. It might also be possible to program the tenta-apparatus to fire electric stimuli up the spine to the main circuitry, to simulate the experience of an orgasm

Jade's eyes went extremely wide and she took a step back from the work bench. Sollux's wheezing laughter transformed into choking noises. 

"That's... I don't really want to work on this any more." Jade whimpered. 

TT: It's nothing to be embarrassed about. As a metal vessel with a living soul inside of it,  
TT: I'm entirely certain our friend will experience sexual urges and want to masturbate.  
TT: If there's no way to release the pressure, I've designed and you've built something that doesn't meet Sollux's expectations.  
TT: And that would be a blemish on my and your records.  
TT: Every AI I create has to be perfect.  
TT: I've thought of everything.

"Holy fuck TT. I can't believe you would incorporate thomething like that. I didn't even expect it, let alone athk for it." Sollux was incredibly quiet in Jade's ear, but his words were being transcribed verbatim onto the message board. 

Jade began to relax, and to think. Dirk was, in some weird, twisted way, right. It wasn't exactly an indispensable function that the soulbot just had to have, but it would be a shame if Sollux missed orgasming for the rest of his robot life simply because his new body wouldn't be capable of doing it. Boys masturbated too. In fact, hadn't Rose told her that they do it more? That they think about sex near-constantly? Jade thought about it maybe once or twice a day, and usually did it in the evenings, alone in her bed while Bec was momentarily distracted. It did feel good, and it relaxed her. She should proceed with this, if he really wanted it. 

"Sollux? I thought it over." 

"That... wath fatht."

She smiled. "If you want it, then I can hook it up. I agree with Dirk! Masturbation and orgasms should be available if you want them. They feel good!" 

There was a short silence for a minute, then she heard a sharp "thwap", the sound of skin on skin. Sollux's voice returned, a bit raspier. He sounded a bit on edge. "R-really? Fuck, then you can go ahead. I'll probably never uthe it, but if it'th in the planth then by all meanth."

TT: I'm glad you recognize the importance of sexual pleasure, Jade.  
TT: It does feel... amazingly freeing at times.

Jade grinned, her cheeks pinking. She wished she could see both of them, to share their enthusiasm. "I know! After a long day and I'm really exhausted, it cheers me right up!" 

TT: Me too. Gets me right... up.

There was a groan from Sollux's end of the line. Jade could hear his chair creaking, shifting as he repositioned himself perhaps. The Gemini said, "Can you both thut the fuck up and just do the damn thing already?"

"Okay, I'll attach it, but this is the last thing I'm going to do before going to bed! I'll see about wiring after some sleep." 

TT: Are you sure that's the last thing you'll do before bed?

"Dirk!" Sollux hissed. "Fucking thtop typing. I'm tho tired of your bullthit." 

TT: Well I have a solution that'll perk you right up.

Jade sputtered. "Stop being so nasty, Dirk! I can read what you're doing too!" 

"Thank you, Jade." She heard a 'thunk' and imagined Sollux's forehead hitting his desk.

"No problemo. Now, which one is the tenta-apparatus...?" 

It was rather obvious which piece of metal it was. She had glanced at it before, figuring it was just an oddly-shaped doodad she would need to stick somewhere later. Now that she knew what it was, she was momentarily embarrassed by how often her eyes had wandered back to it, taking in the tinted color and girth. It was made out of metal but it was terrifically bendy, and she tried as hard as she could not to burst into a fit of giggles when she picked it up and it drooped immediately.

She heard Sollux moan again and it flashed across her mind that the two boys could see every single thing she was doing. Welp, there's no need to be so embarrassed! She told herself, willing her face to cool down. This was completely platonic, even though Dirk was deliberately trying to spark trouble. She was helping her friend, not her boyfriend! And she was being helped by her friend, not her boyfriend! Jade had everything under control.

TT: I don't think you're fitting it in correctly. Try wiggling it around a little.

Jade looked doubtfully at her computer screen. He was right, it did not appear to want to slide neatly into its designated hole in the bottom half's metal trousers, but she didn't know if jamming it in would fix the problem.

"Are you sure? I don't want to accidentally damage it." 

TT: It'll be fine. It's made of strong, flexible material.  
TT: You could jerk it around as hard as you liked, and it wouldn't break.  
TT: In fact, it might actually thank you. 

Another moan from Sollux filtered over the headset. In another minute, she could hear a steady rhythm of heavy breaths. The Gemini's panting was transcribed to the message board as onomatopoeias. 

"Sollux? Are you okay?" Jade asked, hoping the concern could be distinguishable in her voice. 

It took a second for him to reply. "Y-yeth. I'm fine."

"Okay..."

Jade returned her attention to fitting the tenta-apparatus in the fly of the trousers, repeatedly jamming it in, taking it out, and twisting the base round and round. She must be putting on quite a show. Sollux's breathing and groans, and occasionally what sounded suspiciously like whimpers, grew in volume the more she played around with the piece. Finally they became so loud she couldn't concentrate. 

"Could you please keep it down? You're sort of distracting me!" 

"Ah!" A short cry ripped through her eardrums and she almost yanked off her headset. 

"Sollux what the hell!"

TA: 2orry. forgot ii wa2 weariing that goddamned thiing.

She could see his text appear on the screen, but she could no longer hear him. 

"Did you take your headset off?" she asked, confused, and still attempting to jam the tenta-apparatus into its hole. 

TT: That's not the only thing that's off.

TA: fuck you and your 2mug attiitude tt, you 2hiithead.  
TA: ii'm really 2orry gg.  
TA: ii couldn't help iit.

"What are you talking about?" Jade stood up straight, tenta-apparatus in hand. She glared forlornly at the metal trousers. "You know what, I think the base of this thing needs to be smaller." 

TA: you can't be that naiive, can you?

TT: I think she's being nice and sparing your dignity.

TA: 2HUT UP YOU FUCKIING A22HOLE!

TT: Make me.

Jade abandoned her headset and returned to her keyboard.

GG: stop it you guys!!!! D: ugh  
GG: what the fuck is going on with you????

TA: ii wa2 jackiing iit whiile you pranced around wiith that goddamn diick iin your hand  
TA: ii couldn't 2top thiinkiing that  
TA: that'2 my future diick 2he'2 holdiing.  
TA: and before that you were goiing on and fuckiing on about ma2turbatiion and how iit feel2 2o good.  
TA: you're goddamn riight iit doe2.  
TA: ii've never heard a giirl 2ay that before.  
TA: and the2e piicture2 ju2t fuckiing  
TA: popped iinto my thiinkpan and began 2iiziiliing.  
TA: 2o ii 2tarted jackiing iit.  
TA: ii thought you knew what wa2 goiing on.  
TA: diirk wa2 encouragiing you.  
TA: and iit got me 2o hot.  
TA: two hot.  
TA: iif you really diidn't know what ii wa2 doiing then  
TA: ii'm really fuckiing 2orry.

TT: Well shit, if you're going to be so honest about it,  
TT: I should be too.  
TT: Jade, I was also jacking off.  
TT: I think it was a combination of Sollux's fantastic noises  
TT: And your heroic efforts to shove a dildo up a robot's ass  
TT: That, within seconds, had me rock fucking solid.  
TT: I haven't cum yet, so if you'll excuse me for a few moments.

timaeusTestified has become an idle chum!

GG: i  
GG: i dont really know what to say

TA: gg ii thought you were aware.

GG: i was :P  
GG: im so stupid!!!!!! i didnt put the pieces together until you screamed into my headset  
GG: or maybe i didnt want to acknowledge anything weird was happening  
GG: i thought i had made some cool new friends  
GG: but i think maybe  
GG: despite only knowing each other a few hours  
GG: weve become something a whole lot more complicated!!!!!!

TA: you mean liike.  
TA: friiend2 wiith benefiit2?

GG: mmmmmm maybe...........

TA: ii'd love to explore thii2 new relatiion2hiip dynamiic unfolding before my very peep2talk2.  
TA: but ii al2o haven't cum yet.  
TA: and iit'2 driiviing me kiind of mad.

GG: lemme help you with that :) :) :)  
GG: put your headset back on

TT: Don't leave me out of this.

And they proceeded to have the best cybersex in the history of paradox space.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, hope you enjoyed it! Leave a constructive critique if you want, or just a kudos if you're passing by. :) 
> 
> I was really inspired the other day by the movie Cast Away. I think I wanna do an AU set in an isolated island environment. Now who am I gonna maroon in the Pacific? :3


End file.
